When I go on a date with a new person, I have a standard checklist the I’m going through in my mind. Within the first few dates I know if he fit’s these items, and if there are any red flags.
Questions I want answered
- Siblings or is he an only child? Why this is on my list: For me fairness is an important priority and someone who has learned how to share with siblings should have a degree of fairness in them. They will try to consider your feelings along with their own.
- Spiritually vs. religious? Why is this important: I don’t subscribe to organize religion. I don’t go to church on Sundays. A partner who believes in a creator suggests that faith overrides evidence and that makes me question their decision making processes.
- ** How many years out of the closet? ** This matters because when I first came out of the closet I wanted to do everything that was gay. It affected the parties i attended, how I dressed, and my behavior. I look for somebody who being gay is just a component of themselves not their entire world.
- ** Proximity ** Having a long distance relationship is not my idea of emotional support. It’s very difficult to get to know someone if you don’t have regular interaction with them. Someone who is at a distance it would take much longer to get to know them and feel emotionally connected to that person.
- ** Friends with exes? ** A person who hasn’t been able to retain friendships with his former boyfriend suggests to me that that person didn’t have an amicable split.
- ** Recreational drug use? ** I don’t mind the use of marijuana, it’s legal in Canada, so that’s fine by me. If it’s anything harder than that and frequent, I would be concerned.
- ** Alcohol use? ** Alcohol use is built into gay community unlike most others. You go to bars to socialize, bars sell alcohol, alcohol helps you socialize. It can become a vicious circle. Alcohol for a special occasion is fine just not every day.
- ** Monogamous ** A person who is wants to be emotionally monogamous is who I’m looking for. I don’t require physical monogamy, but emotional monogamous is a must have.
My Red flags!
- Very religious
- Only child
- In the closet (friends or family)
- Does not live nearby
- Uses recreational drugs more than occasionally
- Uses alcohol frequently
- Not looking for a long term relationship